Is Memory Reality?

April, 2013
The building that used to be R2's elementary school. It seemed so much bigger in the 1950s.

The building that used to be R2′s elementary school. It seemed so much bigger in the 1950s.

A few days ago I was asked a specific question about a meeting I attended in 2000. I explained exactly what happened in the meeting and was asked the follow-up question: “Was that really what happened?” I immediately answered: “Yes, that’s what I remembered.” Well, just because that’s what I remembered happening, is that really what happened?

At five years old, R2 didn't think his Dad, pictured above, could catch him. A real memory?

At five years old, R2 didn’t think his Dad, pictured above, could catch him. A real memory?

Recently, I drove by the building that used to house my elementary school. It’s now used as a senior assisted-living facility. The building seems a lot smaller than I remember. Of course, it’s not unusual for a person to reflect on his childhood and not have correct memories of shapes and sizes experienced during that time. So, is my childhood memory reality?

My father died when I was five years-old. I remember very little of my father, but having stated that, I do think I vividly remember a few special times with him. One special incident I often recall is when I told my father that he couldn’t catch me if I was ran away from him. I then ran from him and he caught me after I had only run a few yards. I couldn’t believe how fast he was, for an older man (in his thirties:-). But, my Mom had told me that story over and over. Did I remember the incident or am I repeating something from my mother’s memory? Is my memory reality?

Last week, my wife and I went to a restaurant for dinner. I remember it was a Chinese restaurant. But, what did I have to eat that evening? Well, I know I had rice. :-) What else? I wasn’t sure, until I asked my wife. She immediately named everything we had. I remember, now that she has reminded me. Or, do I remember? Am I simply repeating what she remembered? Is my current memory reality? Is her memory reality?

Did I REALly eat Chinese food, if I can't remember what I ate?

Did I REALly eat Chinese food, if I can’t remember what I ate?

So, why do I keep going back to my memory? How can I talk, think, or live without using my memory? But, is my talking, thinking, or living based on reality when I use by memory? Don’t I hold on to my memory because it defines me? For example, when I’m asked my thoughts about almost anything, I refer to what I know about it and then respond. What I know is often known through memory. Is that reality?

I think I know my wife very well. As I bring her to mind (she’s not here, with me, as I write this) and think about what I really know about her, do I have an accurate picture of her? Everything I’ve recalled about her is from my memory. When I describe her to someone else, it’s all from my point of view. Would she be described by her sister, who knows her well, as having the same likes, dislikes, personal traits, etc., that I declare she has? No! I’m really describing her based on my perspective. Everything in my description is relative. Is my memory, which depends upon my point of view, reality?

"Time and memory are true artists; they remould reality nearer to the heart's desire."--John Dewey

“Time and memory are true artists; they remould reality nearer to the heart’s desire.”
–John Dewey

Considering everything I’ve written so far, it seems that I very seldom have contact with the real. At least, when I’m using my memory, the unreal appears to be the norm. My senses are constantly using my memory to determine what I’m seeing, tasting, smelling, hearing, and feeling. And, what I determine is based on my perspective. So, my memory depends on my point of view, but reality doesn’t depend on any point of view – it simply is.

Is memory reality? No! What is memory compared to reality? Memory is a story about reality from a point of view.

John Dewey wrote: “Time and memory are true artists; they remould reality nearer to the heart’s desire.” Perhaps, memory is more of what my heart desires and less of reality.

grab-small-r21

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Posted by Ron Rogers

What Is A Spiritual Feeling?

February, 2013
R2 enjoying a spiritual feeling -- a "conscious recognition of being alive"

R2 enjoying a spiritual feeling — a “conscious recognition of being alive”

Have you ever had a spiritual feeling? Most likely, you have, but can you describe it? Well, recently, I was faced with trying to find the appropriate vocabulary for describing and identifying the spiritual feelings I have had.

This gives me a backache physical feeling. :-(

This gives me a backache physical feeling. :-(

I believe that we, as humans, have at least three “parts” of our being: mind, body, and spirit. If I’m asked to identify/describe mental feelings, there is a rather extensive vocabulary readily available to do so. Consider the following words: anger, glad, mad, happy, bored, afraid, sad, delighted, furious, disgusted, elated, … In some ways, the list seems to be unlimited.

If I’m asked to identify/describe my bodily (physical) feelings, again there seems to be a rich vocabulary that makes it easy for me to communicate how I feel. Some of these words/phrases are: sore, tired, nauseous, energized, cramped, pinched-nerve, numbness, tingling-sensation, Charley horse , muscle-spasm, and all of the “aches,” i.e. headache, backache, toothache, groin-ache, neck-ache, …

Is an angelic feeling a spiritual feeling?

Is an angelic feeling a spiritual feeling?

But, when I want to identify/describe a spiritual feeling, what are my word/phrase choices? Well, we do have a few good ones, such as: awed, secure, joyful, and uplifted. On the other hand, I feel limited when I’m attempting to describe spirituality and the feelings associated with that aspect of my being.

Is the feeling of being limited, when I attempt to describe spiritual feelings, a spiritual feeling? Hmmm….. I’m unsure, but it does beg the question: ”What is a spiritual feeling?” In order to answer the question, let’s first consider the meaning of feeling. Feeling has many definitions, but for my purposes, feeling is: “conscious recognition.” So, if I’m in awe of a beautiful landscape, then I am experiencing a conscious recognition from the spiritual aspect of my being.

What is a spiritual feeling? So far, I have it defined as: “Spiritual feeling is a conscious recognition of an aspect of  spirituality.” If I know what spirituality is, then perhaps, I’ll have this elusive topic nailed-down.

"I consciously recognize that you're alive. Is this spiritual?"

“I consciously recognize that you’re alive. Is this spiritual?”

Recently, a friend introduced me to the following description of spirituality: “Spirituality is the individual, subjective experience of and from which a person derives purpose, meaning, and hope.” Using this description of spirituality, what would a spiritual feeling be? Let’s consider the feeling of awe. Previously, I wrote that awed describes a spiritual feeling. If that’s true, then awed is a conscious recognition of an individual, subjective experience of and from which I derived purpose, meaning, and hope. Hmm…, It doesn’t seem to fit. For example, if I look at the Grand Canyon and have a feeling of awe, then am I deriving purpose, meaning, and hope from that individual, subjective experience? I don’t think I am!

There must be another way to view the “spirit” part of my being. Let’s do some more exploring. Spirit is from the latin word spiritus, meaning breath OR spirare, meaning to breathe. When a human-being is breathing, we often consider the human to have the Qi, (Qi is not Quite Interesting:-) or energy of life. In other words, the spirit aspect of a live being is directly related to the being’s energy of life. Using the root meaning of spirit, I think it is reasonable to imply that a spiritual feeling is a conscious recognition of being alive. From my point of view, the words: awed, secure, joyful, and uplifted, seem to fit better with this view of spirit.

"Let's first discuss how you feel spiritually, then we'll address your physical and mental feelings."

“Let’s first discuss how you feel spiritually, then we’ll address your physical and mental feelings.”

So, what is a spiritual feeling? For now, I’ll settle on spiritual feeling is a conscious recognition of being alive. When I have a spiritual feeling, I’m experiencing a feeling that comes directly from my energy of life. Having stated that, I’ll now try to find more than the before-mentioned four words to identify/describe a spiritual feeling. Consider the following: content, calm, alive, frail, insecure, peaceful, quiet, shaky, tough, solid, bold, adequate, immortal, empty, relaxed, exhausted, vivacious, helpless, …

Perhaps, there’s always a spiritual feeling that precedes any other type of feeling. After all, the spiritual feeling comes from our life energy and we must be alive in order to feel. Think about it! If you are feeling angry (mental feeling), then perhaps you first felt inadequate (spiritual feeling). Or, if you have a headache (physical feeling), then perhaps you first felt exhausted (spiritual feeling). This could help explain why spiritual health is so important to our overall health.

What do you think or feel? :-)

grab-small-r21

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What Are The Most Important Questions Facing Humankind?

January, 2013
The important question here is: "What's your point of view?" :-)'Lincoln in Dalivision' was created based on the Dali painting 'Gala looking at the Mediterranean Sea' which at a distance of 20 meters is transformed into the portrait of Abraham Lincoln. NOTE: Back away from your computer screen if you can't see the "big" picture of Lincoln.

The important question here is: “What’s your point of view?” :-)
‘Lincoln in Dalivision’ was created based on the Dali painting ‘Gala looking at the Mediterranean Sea’ which at a distance of 20 meters is transformed into the portrait of Abraham Lincoln. NOTE: Back away from your computer screen if you can’t see the “big” picture of Lincoln.

Once Albert Einstein was asked, “What is the most important question facing humankind?” Einstein responded by asking another question: “Is the universe a friendly place?”

Einstein: "Is the universe a friendly place?"

Einstein: “Is the universe a friendly place?”

Hmm…, I think the answer to Einstein’s question is yes. Why? Well, if you think it isn’t, then where is the unfriendliness? Generally, the universe seems to be friendly in the sense that it provides a way for us to live our lives, to be comforted, and is not antagonistic. Of course, we humans need to act like it is friendly in order for us to come to that realization. The universe is a friendly place; humankind’s actions often makes the universe unfriendly.

Another important question I think we should consider is: “How can we eliminate evil?” Some say evil is the result of God giving us free will. Of course, the existence of God must be accepted before you can blame evil on God’s gift of free will. Maybe, evil is just part of our maturing process. How would we be able to develop virtues, if we didn’t have evil? For example, the virtue of courage would be difficult to develop if we never had to face evil. But, no matter how we establish what evil is, how do we eliminate it?

I have a challenge that I need to overcome - how to stop the toilet from running before you have to run to the toilet. :-)

I have a challenge that I need to overcome – how to stop the toilet from running before you have to run to the toilet. :-)

Though it’s not always the most important question, I often wonder what approach we should use to obtain what we need/want in life? Do you think we should have to struggle for what we get? Are our lives, primarily, a never-ending struggle? I don’t know about you, but I certainly feel a sense of struggle on a somewhat regular basis. You see, I feel pressure to overcome life’s daily challenges by solving the problems associated with them. For example, if I wake-up and notice a toilet is constantly running, I immediately feel an anxious need to fix the toilet. This, then turns into a challenge that I need to overcome – how to stop the toilet from running before I have to run to the toilet. :-)

In the third paragraph, I posed the question: “How can we eliminate evil?” Most likely, we can’t, but then again, I can’t even explain what evil is. Perhaps, this is why Einstein, on another occasion, is quoted as saying, “The real problem is in the hearts and minds of men. It is not a problem of physics but of ethics. It is easier to denature plutonium than to denature the evil from the spirit of man.”

Really, all of these important questions seem to have a central theme - the struggle of humankind. Is life an unending struggle? Well, when I view life as such, I usually view my life through anxious or panic-stricken eyes. Of course, that doesn’t help with the struggle or my health. So what should I do? About all I can do is to change my point of view. What would I do if I was willing to let what I see as a struggle be easy? Well, in my case, when I purposefully look for easier ways to approach what I consider a struggle, a sense of inner-peace comes over me.

It's "bearly" a problem when I change my point of view. :-)

It’s “bearly” a problem when I change my point of view. :-)

When I change my point of view and attain inner-peace, I’m usually able to turn any struggle into a “solved problem.” For example, recently I was faced with a major presentation that I thought required me to memorize a large amount of words. I struggled over this dilemma for days before I asked myself, “How could I do this differently?” After exploring possible answers to the question, I realized that I didn’t have to memorize all of the words and instead, I could use notes to help with the presentation. Immediately, there was a sense of peace that came over me and my anxiety left. As you can see, I adjusted (changed) my point of view, answered the question, and the struggle became a solved problem.

Again, what are the most important questions facing humankind? I’ve listed a few important ones, but ultimately, I think we will all have more personal questions that are more important to us than the ones facing humankind. Now, of course, these personal questions may be directly related to those facing all humans, but we will usually focus on them from a very personal point of view. When we consider our important questions, we should use them only for stimulating our thinking. We should not turn them into a struggle that results in causing us anxiety and panic.

I'm NOT unfriendly and evil, it's just your point of view!

I’m NOT unfriendly and evil, it’s just your point of view!

I believe that life is here to be appreciated and enjoyed. If we are considering negativity, such as general unfriendliness, evil, or our latest struggle that’s causing us anxiety and panic, we are going to have a difficult time appreciating and enjoying life. It’s important to change from the negative frame of mind to the positive where we change our struggle (question) into an easier approach by changing our point of view.

What makes point of view such an important element of our thinking process? Point of view (mental perspective) gives us a frame of reference, or orientation, for our thinking. When we are seeking answers to questions, or solving problems, we are always doing so from a point of view. Without considering other points of view, we will remain fix in our approach to solving a problem or answering a question. It is similar to negotiating by demanding there is only one way to accomplish a goal. We each think from a point of view and we are each capable of changing our point of view.

Have a question/problem? Your point of view will help you (with the answer/solution).

So what’s the most important (personal) question facing you? ”What is my point of view?“ At least, that’s R2′s point of view. :-)

What’s your point of view?

grab-small-r21

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What Is Self-Love?

December, 2012

This post has been, and is a work of love, pun intended. :-) I have had numerous titles for it, but all were asking the question, in one form or another: What is love? As you can see, I finally settled on being specific about a certain kind of love — self-love.

Perhaps, this is a poem appropriate to say to yourself.

First, I should point out that this is not my first attempt at trying to nail-down this elusive subject of love. On one of my most recent attempts, I used the title of the Cole Porter song, What Is This Thing Called Love?, and came to the conclusion that love, like art, is in the mind (eyes) of the beholder. This isn’t even the first time that I have tried to discuss self-love. In a post entitled, What Does “I Love You” Mean To You?, published in March of 2010, I invited the reader to go to a private place and say over and over again, “I love you” to her/himself. To read either of these please click on their hyper-texted titles.

Awhile back, I was in a meeting and the word “love” was being used in a way that I found confusing. The meeting was a Wellness Support Group that met at the office of Dr. Simon Yu. During the meeting, various participants suggested that in order to become healthier and overcome various problems we need to focus on self-love. I found the emphasis on self-love confusing in the sense that we use the word love in so many different contexts. For example, a person can say she loves ice-cream, her dog, her country, her mother, a song, a movie, her mate, etc. Generally speaking, each of these “loves” are different. So what is meant by self-love?

In all of my previous posts regarding love, I never tried to view love from a scientific and/or measurable perspective. I’m sure you would love for me to do so. :-) Is it possible to scientifically measure love? Well, there have been attempts to measure love using a MRI machine to analyze changes in the brain when patients are “in love.” There are also various attempts at scientifically defining love from a behavioral (operational) perspective.  Using an operational definition won’t allow us to measure love, but if we accept the definition, we will be able to recognize it characteristics.

So, this is who I should love. Hmmm…..

Maybe we can’t, or shouldn’t, measure love as a quantity of something that we have. In an article which described the use of a MRI machine for measuring love, patients’ brains were flooded with the chemical dopamine when they were thinking about their loved ones. When the patients thought about non-loved ones, their brains weren’t flooded with dopamine. Besides dopamine, it was established that many other chemicals are released and bonded while a person is “in-love.” All of the chemicals can be measured, but does than mean we can measure love? Probably not! You see, determining the existence and quantity of chemicals in our bodies only helps us compare specific samples. We are, rightfully, placing the sample before the whole.

I think, in order to measure love and interpret the results, we need to be able to compare the existence and quantity of the before-mentioned chemicals with known measures that produce measurable outcomes. Simply stated, it’s the old problem exemplified by the question, “Who or what do you love more?” Take, for example, two siblings who claim that they are each “loved more” by a parent. How are we to compare the existence and quantity of the “love” chemicals with known measures that produce measurable outcomes? How are we? I don’t know!

Perhaps, Einstein’s wonderful quote about measurement is appropriate at this time, “Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.” I believe this discussion about love and self-love leaves me with only one conclusion: Even though love counts, it can’t be counted. :-)

Donald Trump – an example of someone who manifests self-love??????

So, what is self-love? Literally, it is the love of oneself. Having stated that, it is NOT an obsession with oneself. If I’m obsessed with myself, then the appropriate term to use would be narcissism, especially if I exclude all others. And, it is NOT vanity, which is based on conditions. Instead, self-love implies unconditional love for oneself. Narcissism leans toward obsessing over oneself and excluding others. Vanity leans toward meeting conditions, such as getting an extreme make-over, and then believing I should be loved because of my beauty.  Self-love is love that is directed toward all that I am – my emotions, thoughts, actions, body, … Therefore, self-love is not the emotion of love that I normally think of when I love another person, but is simply the mental and physical act of treating myself favorably.

Why is self-love important? Think about the one person you are always with. The one person you cannot escape from. Who is that person — YOU! Do you want to be with a person that you love? Well, when you love yourself, you are always with a least one person you love.

The longest and most powerful relationship you’ll ever have is the relationship you have with yourself. So, why not make that long and powerful relationship one that is filled with love? As a small beginning for enhancing that powerful relationship, start today by never saying anything bad about yourself, especially in your own head. Be good to your body. Make this the first day of the rest of your life to treat yourself favorably, both mentally and physically.

To thy oneself, be loving! :-)

grab-small-r21

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Posted by Ron Rogers

What’s Wrong With The Mirror’s Reflection?

March, 2012

Hmmm...., Is this me or who I want to be?

When you look into the mirror, what do you see? Most likely, you see you! :-) What’s wrong with that? Well, nothing necessarily, but using the mirror as a metaphor, what “tense” do you see yourself. What??? Well, I’ll admit that word “tense” is stretching things a little, but what I’m suggesting is when you look at yourself, do you see yourself as you are now, or as the person you can become? In other words, do you generally “see yourself” as the person you are presently, or as the person you will be in the future?

Steve Jobs - A creative visualizer!

Using your imagination, you can also view yourself in your mind. The mind can act as a mirror reflecting who you think you are now or will become. Many competitive athletes use the technique of creative visualization to help outperform their opponents. When using creative visualization, a person uses her/his imagination to visualize an outcome as a specific behavior or event. This is similar to using the mind as a mirror to reflect what you can become.

Your self-image is what you’re seeing when you view yourself in your mind. Is it fixed? In other words, is your self-image usually the same image each time you view it? Should it be? I’ve known people who think they look and act like they did when they were much younger. They don’t see themselves as they are now or will be in the future, but instead, as they were.

Wow, what an expanding self-image! :-)

Now, I do think there is a time when we should remember how we were in the past. But, that time should not be always. If it is, then we are trying to live in the past. Impossible! Of course, we can only live in the present, so we do need to have a true and present self-image. A present and true self-image is needed in order to see ourselves as others do. It’s difficult to be true to yourself unless your present self-image is true. So, past and present self-images are necessary and useful, but NOT necessarily sufficient for an exciting and accomplished life.

"That's not what I want to see, but how do you feel?" Hmm....

People with true, but expanding self-images will see themselves as what they can become. They will see themselves as they are, but will not be restricted to only that view. When you see yourself as the person you can become, you immediately give direction and set goals for yourself. How can you be what you can’t see?

Past and present self-images are necessary and useful, but a clear future self-image should be a primary focus. A good focused vision of what you want to be in the future gives you a goal and purpose. So, look into the mirror and see the person you want to be. When you see it, you can be it!

What’s wrong with the mirror’s reflection? Nothing, if it reflects who and what you are, as well as who and what you want to be.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, what is the future for us all? :-)

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Posted by Ron Rogers

Really, Am I Responsible For My Emotions?

February, 2012

Are we responsible for all of our emotions?

In April of 2009, I presented a post entitled, “You Make Me Emote!“ In the posting, I declared that each person is responsible for her/his emotions. I have been thinking a lot about that declaration lately. It’s possibly much more complex than I originally thought. In other words, maybe the simplicity of declaring each person is responsible for her/his emotions needs to take into account the many reasons for emoting, along with the imperfection of humanity. Hmmm… Let’s explore this further.

Who’s responsible for your emotion of love – Cupid or you?

Having recently experienced the complex emotion called grief, I’m immediately confronted with the powerful statement made by H. L. Mencken: “For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.” So, as I consider emotions that I find negative and then say, “I am responsible for them,” should I simply declare they all are my responsibility? Am I taking responsibility for something that I shouldn’t?

Perhaps, we should investigate the cause of our emotions before determining responsibility. So, what causes our emotions? What causes me to feel angry? Suppose someone hits me with his fist. The first thing I feel is the physical pain of being hit. The next feeling might be anger. If so, what caused the feeling of anger? Is it because I’m feeling physical pain? No, because the feeling of physical pain doesn’t necessarily produce the emotional feeling of anger. Take, for example, the pain resulting from accidentally bumping your head while getting into a car. Usually, there would be no direct emotional feeling of anger from the physical pain felt after the accident. The point is, that a certain emotional feeling doesn’t necessarily come from a particular physical feeling.

So, what causes these things you (and, I) call emotions? In the past, I’ve answered that question with a simple three-letter, one-word answer: “YOU!” Yes, you are the cause of your emotions. I know in my previously mentioned posting, I never specifically stated that each person causes her/his emotions. Instead, I talked about owning our emotions and not blaming anyone else for them. We not only own our emotions, but we’re also the cause of them.

Assuming each person causes her/his emotions, is s/he responsible for them. In other words, does cause imply responsibility when dealing with emotions? If I cause my anger, am I responsible for it? If I cause my happiness, am I responsible for it? I suppose the answer is yes to both questions, but somehow, it doesn’t seem to fit reality. Many people, including myself, will make sincere statements like: “Kathy makes me happy!” or “Ron made me mad!” In these types of cases, we are saying (and most likely mean) that Kathy and Ron caused and are responsible for the emotions.

Some say I cause negative emotions, especially when I’m full:-)

If we cause AND are responsible for our emotions, then I think it’s our thinking that’s at the root of our emoting. What I mean is we shouldn’t blame an external source for our emoting. If I am responsible for my own thinking, then I am the cause for my emoting.

Of course, circumstances can make it difficult to not emote in a particular way. For example, when I experienced a death of a close loved-one, my grieving was difficult and for me to say that it was caused by me is hard to accept. On the other hand, if I don’t take responsibility for my grieving and not accept that I caused it, then how will I ever be able to overcome it? Either I control it or it controls me! 

So, am I responsible for my emotions?  YES! But, what controls my emotions? MY THINKING!

Remember, we are not emoting due to what happens; we are emoting due to what we think about what happens.

What do you think?

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How Can I Create A Creative Me?

February, 2012

"Let's see, how can I create a creative me?"

Last year, a close friend and I were walking and she made a comment about wanting to learn how to paint using watercolors. She also said that she has never been able to create a painting that is good. After talking about all of the creative things she wanted to do, but never did, she then summarily stated: “I simply am not creative!”

"I'm an impressionist artist, are you impressed?"

I responded by saying that I thought creativity could be learned, and if one’s standards for a creative endeavor, like painting, were lowered, then that person could create a good painting. I used examples of impressionism and cubism which, from my point of view, have standards that allow the result to not look like a photo of the model used for the painting. Also, in reference to standards, I think the artist should set her/his own standards. This is especially true when the artist is creating for her/himself.

Creative people are not born creative. In other words, I don’t think the nature-part of us dictates our creativity, but I do think the nurture-part plays a role. Children, who are raised in an environment which stifles their creativity by forcing them to live up to unreasonable standards, will tend to think they aren’t able to create art. They will not attempt to create, therefore exemplifying the old adage of, “use it or lose it.” They don’t use their creative thinking and therefore, lose it! :-(

Creativity requires us to use our creative mind. Think of the creative mind as a muscle. If you don’t use a muscle, it will become weak and eventually, will be unable to perform as it normally would. We all know that exercising our muscles make them stronger. The same is true for our “creative mind.”

So, what should we do in order to become a painter, musician, sculptor, builder, writer, cook, dancer, etc….? Well, one thing we shouldn’t do is nothing. The best way to become more creative is to create. Generate lots of ideas and decide, using your own standards, which ones to keep. Break a routine and do something differently.

How do you exercise your creative mind? One way is to get a brush, some watercolor and a surface to paint on and paint!

Generally, creativity means change and doing something in a different way. In other words, lots of BS! Now, I know what you are most likely thinking when I used BS. No, it doesn’t mean BullS**t, but instead, BrainStorming. :-)

So, what should you do if you want to paint a picture using watercolor? Get a brush, some watercolor and a surface to paint on and PAINT! Simple? Yes, if you can obtain the materials AND the “creative brain-muscle.”

How can I create a creative me? Well, one way is to become more creative.

How do I become more creative? Exercise my creative mind!

How do I exercise my creative mind? One way is to get a brush, some watercolor and a surface to paint on and paint! :-)

Do you want to exercise your creative mind? Create a comment for this post. :-)

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Posted by Ron Rogers

Is Tomorrow Forever?

January, 2012

Is tomorrow forever?

Recently, I watched the movie, “Tomorrow Is Forever“ starring Orson Welles and Claudette Colbert. It’s a film that was originally released in 1946. Even though I have seen it many times, I watched it again because – it starred an actor I’ve always enjoyed, Orson Welles, and most importantly, my curiosity about the title.

Perhaps, "Tomorrow Is Forever" is a pie-chart type of a statement. It gives us another way of viewing our life.

From my point of view, ”Tomorrow Is Forever,” is an intriguing statement. When I first thought about the statement, it seemed like a “pie in the sky” statement. It was while watching the movie, “Tomorrow Is Forever,” and trying to figure out why the movie used the title, that I realized how thought-provoking the expression is. At least, it is for me.

Perhaps, I should make clear that “tomorrow is forever” is an expression that, when it is applied to one particular life, doesn’t seem to ring true for me. That is, when we consider each of our lives, individually, then our tomorrows, as living persons, aren’t forever. But, when thinking about tomorrow in a more general sense, tomorrow not only seems to be forever, but the expression also provides a short and succinct alternative for such things as: “an expanding universe,” “the future is now,” “live for the future,” “the present influences the future,” etc….

So, is tomorrow forever? Let’s look at it from a future point of view. Is the future forever? Well, a future may not include a living me, but the future, in some form, is forever. As I go to bed at night, I assume that tomorrow contains my living future. I set an alarm to wake-up in the future. I live as though tomorrow is forever. In fact, why shouldn’t I? What is accomplished by not thinking that tomorrow is forever? Only a pessimistic and/or negative outlook on life. Ouch!

Drawing the "line segment on a ray" to represent my life. :-)

Looking at this from a different point of view, I can see a mathematic metaphorical “way” of representing my life. I see it as “line segment on a ray.” Of course every ray contains an unlimited number of line segments, but for my metaphor, I see the time from my birth to the present as a line segment that is constantly getting longer. And, the future? Well it is truly a ray that has its endpoint at the present and goes on forever! :-)  Therefore, the metaphor is a geometrical ray that has an endpoint, my birth, and then continues to my present – the line segment. The future or tomorrow completes the ray.

Birth •———– Present ———- Future ———— ➜

The preceding paragraph is a bit abstract. In a less abstract manner, there have been at least two books that have the title of “Tomorrow Is Forever.” One written by Gwen Bristol and another by Barbara Faith. The book by Ms. Bristol contains the story used for the movie mentioned above and Ms. Faith’s book is much different, but still makes use of a story about a person escaping the past while viewing life as though tomorrow is forever.

"Yesterday is gone, gone, but tomorrow is forever." -- Dolly Parton

A little different twist to exploring the question, “Is tomorrow forever?”can be seen in a song written by Dolly Parton, in 1970. In it she wrote and sang the following:

Take my hand and run with me
Out of the past of yesterday
And walk with me into the future of tomorrow
Yesterday must be forgot
No looking back no matter what
There’s nothing there but mem’ries that bring sorrow

Yesterday is gone, gone, but tomorrow is forever

Click here to hear a YouTube video of Dolly Parton and Porter Wagoner singing Tomorrow Is Forever.

The first three lines, “Take my hand and run with me, Out of the past of yesterday, And walk with me into the future of tomorrow,” gives the impression that a person can always leave the past and, from a present point of view, “walk into the future of tomorrow.” Wow! Perhaps, in order for any of us to be optimistic, we need to view tomorrow as forever. :-)

So, is tomorrow forever? As an optimistic person, I must say YES! What do you think?

2 Comments | R2, Ron Rogers, Writing for learning | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Ron Rogers

How Can I Emotionally Cleanse Myself Of Grief?

September, 2011

Henry Adams asked Augustus Saint-Gaudens to create this memorial to his wife who committed suicide in 1885. It is located in Rock Creek Cemetery and is often mistakenly called the "Grief" statue.

How can I emotionally cleanse myself of grief? Is it wise to try to do so? Since grief is a natural emotional response for all humans, then when appropriate, should we try to not grieve? These are all good questions and for this post, I would like to focus, primarily, on the first one. How can I emotionally cleanse myself of grief?

"Speak it...Write it...Draw it..." -Funda M. Gulmen, N.D., M.S.

A friend and former student of mine, Dr. Funda M. Gulmen, published an article (to read the article click here and go to page 18) in Natural New Haven, the Natural Awakenings Magazine for New Haven and Middlesex Counties in Connecticut. The article was entitled, “Emotional Cleansing,” and after reading it, I realized that emotional cleansing is exactly what I need. As some of my readers know, my son died on June 22, 2011, and since then, I have had an abundant supply of emotional baggage dragging me down. Dr. Gulmen is a Facebook friend of mine and on September 5, 2011, she posted a link to her article. Since then, I have been trying to write this post.

Ok, that gives you a little background about where and when I began my adventure down the path of cleansing myself emotionally. But, how can I do it? You see, I’m still on the path and haven’t reached the destination of “being emotionally cleansed.” I think it’s reasonable to assume that when someone is wanting to emotionally cleanse himself, he should focus only on the negative emotions. For example, cleansing the mind of fear would be desirable, but cleansing the mind of courage would not be a desired goal. So, as I use this forum to cleanse my emotions, I will focus on cleansing those that I consider negative and increase those deemed positive.

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." -Kahlil Gibran

In her article, Dr. Gulmen talked about the need to release negative emotions. A part of her article was sub-titled, “Speak it…Write it…Draw it…,” which referred to the cleansing and healing aspect of bringing emotions out into the open so they can be viewed more objectively. For example, if I talk about the emotions that are causing me pain, then I (and others who hear me) will be able to put them in perspective. Recently, after talking about my feelings related to my son’s death, I realized most of what I was feeling was self-pity. I felt sorry for myself! When I came to that realization, (before then, I thought I was feeling sorry for my son) I immediately felt relieved. Of course, I have lost something near and dear to me, but self-pity is not something I want or need to feel.

The “Speak it” part of “Speak it…Write it…Draw it…” has already helped me. In fact, it seems that coming to the realization of the specific negative emotion I was feeling and bringing it “out into the open” through verbal expression, allowed me to see it for what it really is — an unnecessary emotion. Since it’s unnecessary, I feel good about not feeling it. :-)

"Grief is the agony of an instant. The indulgence of grief the blunder of a life." -Benjamin Disraeli

Yes, the “Speak it…” has helped me, but for those of you who have been reading my blog on a regular basis, you most likely know that one of my main goals is to use this as a “writing for learning” exercise. Therefore, for the rest of this post, I will focus on the “Write it…” part of emotional cleansing. Regarding the “Draw it…” part, suffice it to say that I’m not very good at drawing and feel that my best chance of emotionally cleansing myself will be through writing-it.

Perhaps, one of the first considerations I should address is the question: “What will my newly cleansed-mind contain?” You see, I cannot keep by mind free of emotions. How can a human have no mental feelings? Emotions are mental feelings and to say a live human has no mental feelings is like saying a live human has no heartbeat. Impossible! I believe we are all full of emotions. Just as our bodies have feelings, so do our minds. Our minds are full of feelings such as desire, anger, fear, guilt, joy, hatred, pride, distress, love and of course, grief. Considering the title of this post, you can most likely deduce that the emotion I want to be cleansed from my mind is grief. So, what will remain in my mind, after it has been cleansed of the negative emotions? I propose that, for sure, it will contain the only emotion that’s always with us, LOVE!

"Contrary to popular belief that it’s selfish to love yourself, this is just so not true. We cannot give what we do not have." -Anita Moorjani

You might wonder where that last statement came from. Recently, as I was doing research for this post, I came across a testimonial from Anita Moorjani. In 2006 she was given 36 hours to live. She was dying of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and was in a coma. The rest of her story is not only miraculous, but also educational. Please click here for more details. A fundamental idea I gleaned from her story was that we shouldn’t live our lives in fear and that love is the core emotion for all humans. Love, as the core emotion for all humans, is on one level, easy to accept, but on another level, difficult. It is difficult because, at least in the English language, the word love has many differ meanings. For example, love can be used to describe a strong desire, a romantic feeling, a tender affection, etc….

So, what kind of love is the core emotion for all humans? I wrote a post in October of 2010 entitled, “What Is This Thing Called Love?” and tried to pin-down the meaning of love as I see it. Well, if you read the post (to visit the post click here) you’ll quickly find out I wasn’t exactly successful in giving a succinct explanation. I eventually came to the conclusion: “love can only be explained by the person who asks the question. In other words, the meaning of love is entirely created and exists uniquely in the mind of each individual person who seeks the meaning of love. Like ‘art is in the eyes of the beholder,’ this thing called love is in the mind of the beholder!” At the present time, love is going to remain an emotion that is left undefined by me.

"Grief is the price we pay for love." -Queen Elizabeth II

Ok, so I need to emotionally cleanse myself of the negative emotions associated with MY grief. I emphasize MY because not everyone will have the same negative emotions when grieving. For example, many who are grieving feel anger, but I do not. In fact, for a while I was bothered by not having anger toward someone or something. I thought that if I could be angry, then I would be able to eliminate the pain I was feeling by expressing the anger. Of course, now, as I look back on that kind of thinking, it seems a little silly. So, what negative emotions associated with my grief do I need to cleanse from my mind?

The following list contains the negative emotions related to my grief. Most likely, the list isn’t complete. I’ve also provided a specific example of how each emotion is “felt.”

"Excess of grief for the dead is madness; for it is an injury to the living, and the dead know it not." -Xenophon

Guilt- for example: I’m living and my son isn’t.

Fear- for example: Fear of not handling his estate the way he would have wanted me to.

Inadequacy- for example: I cannot keep his memory alive in his children.

Apprehension- for example: Apprehension about carrying on his legacy in a respectful and meaningful manner.

Anxiety- for example: Anxious about the future without him.

Regret- for example: Not questioning more regarding the medical care my son received after his accident.

These six emotions are probably not the complete list associated with my grief, but after putting them into words and thinking about them, I will admit that I already feel a sense of relief. Each one, in one sense, seems unnecessary and therefore, easier to “get rid of.”  The key, I think, for cleansing myself of these negative emotions is to recognize them, bring them out “into the open,” determine their unnecessariness, and literally, don’t allow myself to feel them.

"The secret of health for mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future or to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." -Buddha

I can imagine someone saying: “Not allowing yourself to feel the ‘unnecessary’ emotions is not realistic.” I think it is realistic and is done by most humans on a regular basis. For example, consider the negative emotion of being angry at someone. Perhaps, you were “cut-off” while driving on a highway. For most of us, once we realize the anger we feel is unnecessary and won’t do anyone any good, we let it go and no longer feel it. Therefore, we have been emotionally cleansed of that particular anger-emotion.

When I started this post, my goal was to figure out how I could emotionally cleanse myself. I’m not sure if I have completely figured it out, but I do think I’m well on my way. I feel my mind has been empowered with a method that will allow me to reach my goal of emotionally cleansing myself of negative emotions.

This feeling of empowerment is, for me, a newly-recognized emotion that is positive, and in a sense, acts as weapon which can be used against my negative emotions. Ah, perhaps, that’s it! “Speak it…Write it…Draw it…,” is a method that allows me to bring-out the negative emotions and, once they are out and viewed for what they really are — unnecessary, then I’m empowered to get rid of them. WOW!

Lastly, please consider the following anonymous quote:

“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.” 

—-

☞  Using the quote above, here’s my point of view: “What happened to my son, I must accept – I don’t want to know about grief, but I have to learn – I feel I can’t live without my son, but I have to let go!”

Speak it… Write it… Draw it… — What do you think?

5 Comments | R2, self-improvement, Writing for learning | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Ron Rogers

Does A Complex Problem’s Solution Require Creative Thinking?

September, 2011

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." --H. L. Mencken

Pretend that you have a real difficult problem to solve. Suppose it’s difficult, due to the problem’s complexity. In other words, suppose the problem isn’t something like, deciding what pair of shoes you should wear, but instead, it involves a decision about which medical procedure you should have in order to cure a serious medical problem. How do you approach such a complex and serious problem?

Is this a simple or complex problem?

In my case, one of the problems I have to deal with first, is removing the pressure I feel for having to solve the problem. Usually, to avoid the pressure I feel when faced with such a problem, I’ll push hard to solve it. When I do, without bringing in a large amount of patience, I often end up just “spinning my wheels.” Now, in a way, I over-think the problem.

You see, I will look at a problem from every possible angle. I’ll collect as much information as I can – always, as quick as I can. I then, in my opinion, over-analyze the problem. I often spend an inordinate amount of time trying to solve the problem. Well, this “writing-for-learning exercise” is teaching me what I’m doing wrong when solving a (complex) problem. So, how should we approach these complex problems?

Who doesn't have a low tolerance for confusion?

Perhaps, a major problem regarding solving problems is we generally, as humans, have a low tolerance for confusion. We want an end to confusion and have immediate certainty. This is what we want, but is this the attitude we should have when dealing with complex problems? Absolutely not!

Of course, we want a resolution when solving problems. Of course, we want clear answers. But, how can we demand solutions to complex problems and, at the same time, place unneeded time frames for resolution? We can, but we shouldn’t. Here’s my problem for solving complex problems, as I see it. I over-analyze and end-up being surrounded by the problem and unable to see different points of view, implications and/or consequences. I become immersed in the problem and not in the solution.

I always use the creative part of my thinking!

When problem-solving, we should always collect all relevant information and focus on the problem. Having stated that, I think we should also “step-back” from the problem and trust the creative part of our thinking to help us with the solution. There is a creative, subconscious part of our mental make-up that we need to know is always there, even though we aren’t consciously aware of it. To illustrate this, consider how the creative and subconscious part of the mind is involved when driving a car, deciding on the amount of spice in a meal or when choosing a friend. These examples might use analysis, serious deliberation, different perspectives, etc., but they also involve a creative part of our thinking that comes from a different and “unconscious” part of our mind. That is an important part of our thinking and we should always bring it into our approach to solving complex problems.

Is "subconscious wisdom" better than strength?

So how should we approach complex problems? We should not ignore concrete information. We should not ignore analysis. We should consciously add our subconscious wisdom or “subconscious intuition” with analysis. It’s this subconscious part of our thinking that is an important partner with analysis and helps us do our best creative work. When solving any problem, especially complex problems, we need to use creative thinking. We must create a solution. To create a solution, doesn’t it seem reasonable to use creative thinking? Turn your thinking loose!

Does a complex problem’s solution require creative thinking? I don’t know about requiring, but in order to use the full power of our mind, it’s essential. :-)

What do you think?

Leave a Comment » | R2, Ron Rogers, self-improvement, Writing for learning | Tagged: , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Ron Rogers

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