R2 Thoughts for You 
Criticism – Is It Good?
Posted on March 8, 2009 1 Comment
Let’s take a look at criticism. Each major paragraph in this posting begins with a quote related to criticism. I begin with the following poem by Robert Herrick.
I’ll write, because I’ll give
You critics means to live;
For should I not supply
The cause, the effect would die
–Robert Herrick
~ Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger.~
—Franklin P. Jones
I think that critics – those who criticize – are thought of as unnecessary for the individual. Like an “unnecessary parasite.” What I mean is we often think and/or feel that, if there was no one criticizing us, we would be “better off.” Where, what and how would we be without criticism? This is an extremely interesting question when you include self-criticism.
~ The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. ~
— Norman Vincent Peale
What exactly is criticism? There are different definitions of criticism, but the one I choose to use for this discussion is: “the act of passing judgment at to the merits of anything.” Now, that is good, but really, how is criticism viewed by those who think criticism is a “bad word?” Usually, in my opinion, in a non-constructive way. Perhaps, there is justification for such thinking, but should there be? I know most of us do not like to be criticized, but provided the criticism is given for good constructive reasons, aren’t we better able to improve when we know what we need to improve? I think criticism can be an aide to self-improvement.
~ We protest against unjust criticism, but we accept unearned applause. ~
—Jose Narosky
Another thing to point out at this time is the use of the word “judgment” in the definition. Many of my friends find that word to be a negative. Why? I really don’t know for sure, but I suspect it has to do with “pre-judgment” or prejudice. Prejudice, in my opinion, is what we all do, whether we want to or not. You see, in order to live, we must constantly “pre-judge.” We very seldom have sufficient information to correctly judge something. So what do we do? We first “pre-judge” and then, hopefully, as more information is gathered, we refine our judgement. For example, consider the weather. We look outside. It looks like it’s not going to rain. We go outside and the air feels a bit moist. Well, we “re-judge,” maybe, it will rain. We turn on the TV and find a weather forecast. The forecast indicates an 80% chance of rain. Now we judge (or do we pre-judge?) that it most likely will rain. Etc., Etc., ….
So, is criticism good? Yes, provided it is given and received in a positive manner. That’s my opinion, what do you think?
Why Be Punctual Or Late?
Posted on March 5, 2009 6 Comments
Oh dear, Oh dear, I shall be late! – Alice In Wonderland
A friend of mine sent me an e-mail recently in which he suggested that I “blog” on the importance of being on time.
He included the following story, which I think is an appropriate beginning for this post.
———————————————————-
Retirement Dinner Lesson
A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss’s wife, taken illegal drugs, and did horrible things to close relatives. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people”…..
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.”
Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late
———————————————————-
Why are some people regularly late for almost every scheduled appointment they have? You probably know, like I do, someone who has a reputation of showing up late for everything. Does such a person do it on purpose? Does such a person realize what s/he is doing?
My friend said that he thinks arrogance is what makes people late. Arrogance, because they feel they are important enough to waste the time of punctual people while they are late. He is not alone in thinking that arrogance plays a role in people who are habitually late. Toni Bowers, of TechRepublic, mentions it as one of the reasons late people are late. Having stated that, I suspect there is even more to it than the “undesirable” trait of arrogance.
Sometimes, there seems to be a cultural element to tardy behavior. Edward T. Hall, an anthropologist, made some interesting discoveries of key cultural factors, some of which speak directly to our tardiness issue. Not to oversimplify it, but he stated that there are at least two different ways that western cultures have paid attention to time. One “group” thinks about when things must be achieved and another thinks about what will be achieved. Our habitually tardy person might well fit into the latter group whereas, those of us who are concerned about “when” things must be achieved, are more apt to be punctual. Uhmmmm….
OK, so what are we to do? What good is it for people to be tardy? How does it help to be tardy? Even, if it has cultural factors as “justification,” how does that help?
HELP! I can’t think of a question that has a reasonable answer in favor of tardiness.
What do you think?
What Is Good And What Is Bad?
Posted on March 2, 2009 3 Comments
Let’s think some more about an earlier topic. When I published my post on “Ethical – What Does It Mean To You?”, I gave an example using 9/11 and how from one point of view, it was a bad thing, but from another point of view, it was a good thing. This is a puzzling dilemma since I don’t want both views to be “good.” How can we resolve this problem of having the determination of right and wrong based on relativism? This dilemma, I suppose, falls into the category of moral relativism, which is a long study that I am not prepared to jump into at this time.
Now, since I’m not prepared to discuss moral relativism and trying not to over-simplfy things, I think we can start distinguishing good from bad by relating it to LIFE. By this I mean, if it is good for life, then it is good; if it is bad for life, it is bad. Using this test, the event of 9/11 was bad for life; therefore it was a bad thing. When we bombed Iraq, it was bad for life, therefore it was bad. When we develop policies to reduce AIDS in Africa, it is good for life, therefore it is good. When we reduce carbon emissions, it is good for life, therefore it is good. ETC…
I realize this is not complete, but I think is has possibilities. I’m sure we can run into some moral dilemmas where we can have bad for one “side” and good for the other. One that comes to mind is the debate about abortion. To abort is bad for life (of the fetus), but good for life (of the mother, if her life is in danger, for example). And, there are possible problems with different “kinds” of life. For example, to kill a chicken is bad for the life of the chicken, but the food it provides for the the human is good for the life of the human.
I think this determination of good and bad is a complex problem. Having mentioned the words “complex problem,” reminds me of a quote from H. L. Mencken that I use often, “For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat and wrong.” I know that we cannot always expect a simple solution, but in order for us to start the process of determination, I think we need to have some fundamental principle with which to begin. So, though I have not solved the dilemma of what is ethical or not, I do think we at least have a starting point by using the test of LIFE. Again, I know this is only a starting point, but just because a problem is complex, we shouldn’t stop seeking a solution AND we should keep trying to make our thinking fit reality. WOW!
What do you think?
S2 – A Product Of Silverstein & Seuss
Posted on February 27, 2009 Leave a Comment
Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda
By Shel Silverstein
All the Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
Layin’ in the sun,
Talkin’ ’bout the things
They woulda coulda shoulda done…
But those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
All ran away and hid
From one little Did.
In my past life, as a teacher, I would often use the above poem by Shel Silverstein to emphasize to my students the need to do assignments in a timely manner. I’m sure you can remember times when someone said to you: I woulda… , or I coulda…. or I shoulda… done “such and such.”
It seems to me that this poem is an excellent personal mantra to ward off procrastination. Anytime one is faced with “putting things off to another time,” s/he should say the poem to her/himself. It’s cute and to the point.
The poem is from Silverstein’s book Falling Up, published in 1996. It contains many good poems but the “Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda” poem is my favorite. I find Shel Silverstein and Dr. Seuss to be two very interesting poets. They both appeal to children and also are very popular with adults.
OK, so I’ve mentioned Dr. Seuss (real name, Theodor Seuss Geisel) and I’ll bet you are wondering if I have a favorite from him.
Yep, I do, in fact two,
and here they are, especially for you. :-)
—————————————————————
“Today you are You,
that is truer than true.
There is no one alive who is
You-er than You.”
-Dr. Seuss
“Be who you are and say what you feel
Because those who mind don’t matter
and those who matter don’t mind.”
-Dr. Seuss
—————————————————————
If thinking requires food, then Silverstein and Seuss provide “organic” food for thought.
Just my opinion – what do you think?
Shel Silverstein
Dr. Seuss
My Writing, Dementia and Mother
Posted on February 24, 2009 2 Comments
Why I Write
I’ve develop a yearning
To write for learning
When I write for learning
My “mind-wheel” is turning
As my “mind-wheel” is turning
Dementia, I am spurning
The poem above was written by me to give an emotional response to why I am writing this blog. I know I’ve written before that I am writing for myself but I have not given many specifics. Hopefully, this adds a little more clarity. Having stated that, please don’t think that I am constantly worried about dementia. I am not!
When my mother was having problems with senility and/or dementia, my sister and I would encourage her to write down what was happening in her life. We thought that it would help her to remember, reflect and in general, revive her mind. You see, she had little or no short term memory. To illustrate what I mean by little or no short term memory, my sister visited her one morning and the two of them went to the St. Louis Zoo. Later on, after she was taken back to where she was staying, I picked her up for a spontaneous, last minute dinner. On the way to my house we passed the zoo. I mentioned to mom that it had been a long time since I had been to the zoo and wondered if she would like to go. She said immediately, that she hadn’t been to the zoo since she was a little kid and would love to go. Later, after talking with my sister, I learned that they had spent over three hours at the zoo that morning.
The experience with my mother is not the only encounter that I have had with dementia and/or Alzheimers. I mention Alzheimers at this point since my second close encounter with dementia was with an aunt that most, including doctors, thought had Alzheimers. It seems the only way it is known for sure that a person has Alzheimers is if an autopsy is done after passing. Well, there wasn’t one done on our aunt so therefore, it was officially dementia. It doesn’t matter for this blog since my point is that my writing is a possible answer to avoiding such horrible afflictions of the mind.
So, how is this blog writing working out? My first post was on December 23, 2008. The first few posts were more learning attempts than actual blog entries. Now, since I have a little history doing the blog, I have noticed that my mind appears to be “sharper” and my writing comes easier. Is it helping my mental abilities? I’m not sure but I think it is.
The way I look at it, mental exercise is good for us and this is definitely mental exercise for me.
What do you think?
Thoughts – Character – Destiny
Posted on February 20, 2009 Leave a Comment
“Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes…
your destiny.”
Recently, a friend of mine sent the above quote. I don’t know the source but I do know that it moved me. I like the “transitiveness” of it.
I have thought for quite awhile that we humans live in our minds. That is, we are what we think and what we think becomes our reality. OK, enough of the philosophy!
Let’s look deeper into the quote. Our thoughts become words. The first dramatic example that came to my mind was Adolph Hitler. Before his rise to power in Germany, he lived in Vienna, Austria, where he did a lot of thinking about what, eventually, became words that he used as a politician. Those words, first in writing his book, Mein Kampf, then through his powerful speeches, became actions.
Now, those actions were something that were not only his actions, but also those of his followers and/or armed forces. And, indeed, they did become habits. That leads us to character. Hitler’s character, in the long run became not only his, but also his army’s destiny. The destiny of fighting what became a losing battle against the forces of the free world.
The preceding two paragraphs were meant to be my humble attempt to add clarity to my interpretation of the quote. Ultimately, I think we must be careful about what we spend time thinking about.
I have heard many times the phrase “innocent thought.” Considering what I’ve written so far, I think it is safe to say that I don’t think most thoughts are “innocent,” especially if the word “innocent” means without consequences. Our thoughts determine who we are – our words, actions, habits, character and destiny. Ouch! Or, yea! :-)
I say YEA! Let’s make it a positive. Are you dissatisfied with who you are? Consider changing your thoughts as a start toward the new you.
WE ARE WHAT WE THINK!
What do you think?
It’s My Way Or The Highway!
Posted on February 17, 2009 1 Comment
“It’s my way or the highway”
I couldn’t get the above statement out of my mind after hearing that Senator Judd Gregg, a republican from New Hampshire, withdrew his name as the current nominee for commerce secretary. Now, I know he gave reasons that don’t necessarily reflect the intentions behind “it’s my way or the highway,” but I can’t help but believe that he lost his “sense of building consensus and/or compromise.” Our government is messy but has the potential of being a good government for the people and of the people. I write “potential” because I feel now, at this time of crisis, we are struggling to realize even a small part of that goal.
We have a president that has “talked the talk and walked the walk” in trying to form an administration that has all points of view represented. We now need intelligent people, who may not agree with current legislation, but are willing to serve. I thought Senator Gregg was such a person. It seems he decided that since he does not agree with the stimulus bill that is about to be passed by the legislature (Feb. 13, 2009), he can not be the commerce secretary. ???
I know that the republicans do not agree with the democrats. That’s the problem? It’s not about winning. It’s not about them. It’s about the PEOPLE! They need to get off of their “political party-centric” decision making mind set and get on an “All America – centric” mind set. By the way, even though I have just stated negative things about the republicans, I also think the democrats have a lot of fault in this.
OK, enough of this blame game. Let’s discuss the original statement. “It’s my way or the highway.” This, of course, has little to do with a highway. It’s an idiom where the statement actually means that “if I don’t get my way then I am leaving.” Of course, there are times where that is appropriate. Generally, I think it is usually a sign of egocentrism. And, egocentrism is generally a sign of someone who is not a fair-minded rational person. In fact, it often means that the person is empathy deficient. For a discussion on empathy please see my post on Empathy and Judgement.
I’m sure you realize that I am upset with the way our elected representatives are working with our new president. Can we find competent, tax-paying, empathic, and fair-minded rational citizens to work with our president?
What do you think?
For Valentine’s Day
Posted on February 14, 2009 Leave a Comment
What a wonderful day! A day for the purpose of expressing love. A day made for lovers, romantics and friends. I know that I could use more words in the previous sentence to explain what the day is made for.
I wish to list a few short verses that I composed for Valentine’s Day about love and regarding love.
Past love is
A whole without the parts
My love is
A whole with all the parts
One of my
Favorite places
In the world is
The part of the world
Where my love is.
My present love is
A present in the present
That only my love
And I can present.
Happy Valentine’s Day
Should We Respect Responsibility?
Posted on February 12, 2009 Leave a Comment
I was pondering on two words the other day, respect and responsibility. Actually, this started when I was trying to spell the two words. My word processor is set so that it checks spelling while I type. I typed responsibility as “reponsibility” and respect as “repect.” Spell-check caught both of them, but as I corrected them, I started thinking about how the two words can fit together and form an interesting thought. Respecting responsibility. Uhmmmm! Responsible respect. Uhmmm!
Respect and Responsibility are two of the pillars of character presented by the Josephson Institute of Ethics. Now, if we turn the two words onto themselves and apply them to ourselves, we have a nice concept for self-improvement. In other words, apply the concepts behind the words to ourself and in this case, not to someone else. Self-respect and “self-responsibility” – where the person works toward self-improvement by concentrating on those two “pillars” and applying them to her/himself.
OK, how do we apply this? Well, when in doubt go to the meaning of each word.
First, let’s work on respect. Respect, as a verb, is: to hold something in high regard. If we apply that to self-respect, then we need to hold ourselves in high regard. How do we do that? That’s a difficult question for me so I will address it by illustrating how NOT to hold ourselves in high regard. We should NOT abuse ourselves, NOT think harmful thoughts, NOT be in a bad environment and NOT, NOT, ….
I don’t want you to get the wrong idea with the use of all of these “nots.” There is no way most of us can expect to be perfect by avoiding all of the things that cause us not to respect ourselves, but I think we should always have that as our ultimate goal.
Now, let’s work on responsibility. Responsibility is the state or fact of being responsible. Responsible is: being answerable or accountable, as for something within one’s power, control, or management. Definitely we should take responsibility for ourselves. Who else should, once we are an adult? How do we do this? Let’s do the same thing here that we did with respect.
How do we not take responsibility? Easy, when we are not responsible, we are not answerable/accountable for something that is within our power, control, etc. Therefore, take responsibility for those things that are within our power, control, etc.. Be accountable for those things within your power!
I once read a book that suggested that we should “choose freely” while we think critically and live creatively. When I first read that, I thought we should not choose freely because we may make bad choices. After reading further I discovered the author, John Chaffee, meant for us to choose freely AND take responsibility for our choice. Since then, I have used that as a way of life for myself.
Choose Respect!
Choose Responsibility!
Choose freely!
Respect Responsibility!
What do you think?
Relationships And Change
Posted on February 10, 2009 Leave a Comment
What does your relationship with someone have to do with change? Almost everything.
But, most likely, not the kind of change you want. That’s the point.
What do I mean, you ask?
I have often thought, in the past, that I would be able to have a good relationship with someone as soon as that person changes into someone that I would want to have a relationship with. I can hardly believe I just wrote what I wrote. WoW!
I now think that I must be happy with who I am BEFORE I am capable of having lasting relationships. You see, I now believe that I cannot expect someone to change in order to have a lasting relationship.
It is important to recognize that when it comes to relationships, WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET. Now, don’t be upset by what I just wrote. I am not saying that you must take what you see. I’m only saying that you shouldn’t expect someone to change in order for you to have a relationship with her/him.
If we want to have a lasting relationship then we should, first, be happy with who they are. Start the relationship being happy with who they are AND not changing who we are. Allow them to be – without our criticism.
Good relationships have important steps according to Jerry Lopper. He discusses the following seven steps on the website Suite 101.com.
- Commitment
- Freedom
- Respect
- Support
- Equality
- Healthy conflict resolution
- Trust
I think we are asking for problems in our relationships when conditions are placed on the relation where we must change for them or when we expect them to change for us. I know this might sound harsh. If we allow thoughtless and inconsiderate people into our life and assume that under our influence, they will change, then we are setting up the relationship for failure. Most likely, we will have to change our behavior to appease them. If we try to force them to change, there is a good chance they will push back.
We must take care of the direction our own life takes and allow others to set their direction. We can help them change and we can support their change but we should not choose the direction for their change.
This is what I think now, but this is not what I have always thought.
What do you think?
R2 Thoughts for You 